


Captain Swan One Shots

by xhookswenchx (ReluctantPrincess)



Series: One Shots [3]
Category: Once Upon a Time (TV)
Genre: Family, Gen, Humor, One Shot
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-11-10
Updated: 2015-07-19
Packaged: 2018-02-24 21:10:40
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 9
Words: 3,425
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2596544
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ReluctantPrincess/pseuds/xhookswenchx
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Just some one shots I previously had on tumblr and wattpad. Figured it was time to move them here.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Caramel Heaven

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Just wrote this one shot as it formed in my mind this morning while on my way to work. Of course, I waited until I was a wee bit intoxicated before I wrote it, but I think it came out alright. :)

Killian looked at the frosty concoction that was topped with whipped cream, some strange syrup, and some sort of candy. “What the bloody hell is that?” he asked. When it came to coffee, he had two tried and true favorites. Black, and with a splash of rum. This thing she held in front of him, was likely nothing more than bloody witchcraft.

"Try it," she told him, taking a large drink for herself. The look on her face said the brew brought one nothing less than bliss. She tilted the drink towards him, expecting him to try it. "It’s caramel flavored and it tastes like heaven."

Unsure, he played with the straw, stirring the whipped cream and syrup together. “I’ve already tasted heaven,” he teased, raising an eyebrow at her. A smug grin formed on his face when she turned red. It was always fun to make her blush.

"Come on," she rolled her eyes, "try it."

"If the lady insists," he shrugged. What was the worst that could happen? He took a drink and had to admit, it was pretty close to heaven.

"Well?" She asked, impatient to learn what he thought.

"I do hope you weren’t expecting this back," he said as took the cup from her and he pushed his own, bland coffee across the table in an uneven trade.


	2. Basketball

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The boys get together to shoot some hoops.

 

"Okay," David looked at his ragtag bunch, "who’s ready to shoot some hoops?"

"Me!" Roland jumped up and down, excited to get his hands on the ball.

Killian laughed. When David had called to see if he wanted to shoot some hoops, he didn’t realize they’d be playing with the squirt brigade. Even Neal was toddling around, attempting to carry a ball that seemed just as big as he was.

"I think I’m a little too old for this group," Henry said.

"Come on lad," Killian said, "it’ll be fun."

"Robin was in a pinch," David explained, "so Roland gets to play and Neal just wants to be with the big boys."

"Big boy!" Neal repeated.

"Why don’t you help Roland out?" Killian suggested to Henry. David lifted his son up and put him on his shoulders. After a little coaxing, Neal attempted to throw the ball, but it didn’t go far and only managed to hit David on the head.

Roland laughed at the face David made. Henry went to pick up his step-brother, but the boy protested. “No,” he said, pointing to Killian, “I want him!”

Killian wasn’t sure why the boy always seemed to follow him when he was around, but he couldn’t complain. The kid was fairly entertaining and the fact that he idolized the pirate really seemed to bug Regina. “Alright,” he said, “I suppose you’d like to be tall like our friend Neal?”

"Yeah!" Roland shouted. Carefully, Killian picked him up and put him on his shoulders. Henry handed him the ball. Roland got a little more air with his throw, but the end result was the same.

"Ow!"

"You’re right," Henry laughed, "this is pretty fun!" He took the ball and made his shot, the only kid who needed no assistance.

The group continued to play, Henry making shots and Killian and David alternating between pulled hair and knocks on the head. “Think fast!” Henry shouted as he tossed the ball to Killian.

"Yay!" Roland gripped a fistful of hair as Killian made a grab for the ball.

With a dull thud, he caught it, realizing too late that his hook had managed to impale it. “Oops,” he said as the ball slowly deflated into nothing more than a useless hunk of rubber.

"Awe!" Henry frowned.

"You killed it!" Roland began to cry.

"Sorry!" Killian looked at David, who shrugged. There was no other ball to play with. "Don’t worry lad," he tried to calm Roland, "I’ll fix it." He tried to think of a solution when he heard the familiar sound of a ball hitting the asphalt. Looking a few courts over, he saw a man and what looked to be his daughter, shooting hoops. "Who’s that?" He asked.

"Jefferson and Grace," Henry said, "why?"

"Think they’d play with us?" Killian asked, but didn’t wait for an answer as he started walking over.

"Wait!" Henry went after him, "no! They don’t want to play with us!"

"Why not?" David asked, joining them.

"Because," Henry frowned, "just because."

Killian rolled his eyes and called to them as he walked over. After a brief conversation, he waved over the rest of the group.

"Hi Henry," Grace smiled.

"Hi," Henry replied and Killian swore he saw the boy turn red.

"It just so happens," Killian explained, "Jefferson and Gracie here would love to shoot hoops with us."

"Yay!" Roland exclaimed, happy again.


	3. Walking Dead

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I have this head canon that Killian and Emma enjoy their Walking Dead together. 
> 
> Fun fact, during this particular episode, I really thought I was going to go to hell for laughing so hard. But I suppose my kid will be with me, because we continue to tease each other by texting "look at the flowers!"

Killian always had that one character he hated, the one he swore needed to die by the end of the season. It made Emma laugh every time the character would have a brush with death, only to live to see another episode.

It drove Killian mad.

Now that there were no wicked witches or ice queens running around, Emma decided it was time to plop down on the couch with her favorite pirate so they could catch up on the last half of season four. Due to the overwhelming amount of battles they’d been tangled in, television had taken a backseat.

"Wouldn’t you rather I take you out?" Killian asked after he’d lost track of what episode they were on, "I mean, is this normal courting behavior in this realm?"

"I’m dating Captain Hook," she quipped, "and you’re wondering if binge watching _The Walking Dead_ is normal?"

"Well," he frowned, "is it?"

"Yes," she laughed, "more popcorn?" He shook his head. "So, who’s on death watch this season?"

"They’ve already killed the governor," he seemed almost disappointed it happened so quickly. After a few minutes, he spoke again, "the crazy girl, Lizzie."

"You have it out for a little girl?" Emma teased, "ruthless…"

"Have you been paying attention?" Killian seemed annoyed that he had to explain, "she’s bloody psychotic! Or did you miss the part where she was _feeding the walkers_?"

Emma grinned, “you’re getting awfully worked up over this. Maybe we should turn it off.”

"Swan!" He shouted, ignoring her completely, "she just _murdered_ her sister! How is she anything but psychotic? Oh good, Carol’s going to give her a talking to. Because that worked _so_ well before."

"Hey," Emma hissed, "I don’t need a play by play." She noticed he shot her a dirty look, but he didn’t speak again. That was when Carol finally took care of the Lizzie problem. Without thinking, she giggled. _It isn’t funny_ , Emma silently scolded herself, _Carol just shot that girl and it isn’t funny._  Though, the more she tried to tell herself it wasn’t funny, the funnier it became. Suddenly, she was laughing so hard, her sides hurt. "Oh God!" She shouted.

"Well, she had to do it," Killian reasoned.

"I know," she said, "but I’m over here _laughing_. I’m a horrible human being!"

"Perhaps this is too much for you," he said, "we should turn it off, get off this bloody couch and go _out_."

"To look at flowers?" She asked. It was a horrible joke and she knew it, but she just couldn’t help it.

"I will never look at another flower for as long as I live," he stated.


	4. Plants vs. Zombies

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I adore Captain Cobra and think these two could really get into some trouble together. I also think that once Henry introduces Hook to the finer things in life, like smart phones and video games, an all out digital war could ensue.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Getting there! Copying my stuff on the PC is so much easier than doing this from a cellphone!

Henry spun around when he heard the door open and shut. Hook was rushing out of the apartment, and it looked like Henry was on his radar.

"I know mom told you to keep an eye on me," Henry said, "but I'm twelve and pretty capable of walking myself to the bus stop."

"I need to walk with you," Hook stated.

"Really?" Henry rolled his eyes, "again, I'm twelve. All you have to do is make sure I don't annihilate the apartment when left to my own devices. I'm not your responsibility during school hours."

"I can't wait until you get home," Hook shoved his phone at Henry, "I'm stuck."

Henry took the phone and started walking, Hook right on his heels. "You're still on this level?" He teased.

"One hand, lad," Hook reminded him, "I'm a bit slower with these things than you and your mom. And, I'm stuck. Get me off the level."

"That's cheating," Henry said as he took the phone and started playing. Hook was amazed at how the boy could walk, talk  _and_  kill zombies all at the same time.

Hook peered over his shoulder, watching a row of plants completely destroy an onslaught of zombies. "That one," he growled, "he jumps over all my walnut guys."

"You just need better firepower," Henry explained as he quickly placed a row of pea shooters, mines and watermelon cannons.

"They eat my plants before I can use the firepower!" Hook shouted. This earned him a couple dirty looks from others who were out and about on morning errands.

"Calm down," Henry laughed, "you're getting frustrated and you're not even playing. Were you up all night again?"

"Aye," Hook admitted.

"I'm surprised mom didn't kill you," Henry said, "we both know how much she loves her sleep."

Hook frowned, "all she had to do was help me beat the bloody level."

"Okay," Henry handed Hook the phone, "we're here and I need to get on the bus now. See ya!"

Hook looked down at his phone to see that Henry had managed to beat the level for him. He really felt he should let it be and move on to the next level, but now there was the new challenge that plagued him. Beat Henry's score.

_Bloody hell..._


	5. Wii

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Wii fun!

"Ha!" Emma tried not to laugh as she heard Henry and Hook trash talk their way through a round of Wii tennis. "Power serve!" From the sound of things, Henry was winning.

"Cheat!" Hook shouted, "take that!"

"Careful!" She warned. Emma couldn't see them from the kitchen, but Wii games had resulted in several injuries.

"We're fine!" Henry shouted back.

The shouting continued for a few more minutes, then things became eerily silent. "Guys?"

"We're fine!" Henry shouted again, but he didn't sound fine.

Emma ran into the living room and saw Hook on the couch, holding his nose and Henry on the floor trying to clean up blood. "Again?" She sighed, "I'm not getting the deposit on this apartment back, am I?"


	6. Pranks

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Last one! For now anyway. Henry talks Hook into saran wrapping Emma's bug.

"Hold this," Henry instructed as he handed Hook the end of a roll of Saran Wrap.

Hook did as he was told and watched how Henry ran around the yellow bug, wrapping the car up tight. "I'm sorry," he said, "explain to me again what the point of this is?"

"It's fun," he explained.

"When she finds this," Hook warned, "she'll kill me, then you, then me again."

"No she won't." Henry continued his work, "I think she loves us both enough to let us live."

"Lad," he sighed, "why do you always insist on courting danger? Better yet, why do you always drag me along for your schemes?"

"It's fun," Henry insisted, "and this isn't dangerous, it's a prank. We'll all be laughing tomorrow."

"Crossing your mother is dangerous," Hook muttered.

"If you don't shut up, she'll catch us in the act," Henry rolled his eyes.

"I know, right?" A voice sounded. Hook took his attention away from Henry and saw Emma standing on the sidewalk, arms crossed. "It would really suck if you got caught."

Henry froze, "told you!"


	7. Pranks 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Just realized I never posted Emma's revenge!

It had been a week since the great Saran Wrap disaster, yet Emma hadn't mentioned it since she caught the two of them red handed. Henry didn't seem alarmed, but the way she shrugged it off bothered Hook.

She seemed far too happy lately, like she had something up her sleeve. The way she smiled at him when she gave him breakfast that morning made him wonder if it would be his last meal. Henry didn't pay any mind to her over-the-top sweetness. “She's just trying to psych you out,” he told Hook, “that's how she's getting even. By making you freak out.”

Hook waited until Henry and Emma both had eaten over half their food before he decided it was safe.

“Alright guys,” Emma grinned, “got a big day ahead of us.”

“Are we going out on the boat?” Henry asked.

“That was the plan,” Emma said, “still up for it Killian?”

Okay, something was definitely up. “You aren't planning on tossing me overboard?”

Emma laughed, “you're paranoid. It's a nice day, we should go out.”

“You promised,” Henry reminded him, “you said that as soon as the weather got nice, we could go out.”

“Alright lad,” Hook eyed Emma, who just continued to smile.

“I'm gonna get ready!” Henry shouted with excitement as he put his plate in the sink.

“Brush your teeth!” Emma called after him as he ran out of the room.

“Twelve!” He reminded her.

“I think he means he doesn't need to be told to brush his teeth,” Hook said.

“Will you go get ready?” She rolled her eyes.

“On it!” He got up and put his dishes away, not wanting to give her any other reason to want to kill him, then ran to go brush his teeth and finish getting dressed.

“Hey!” Henry shouted.

“Wha-” Hook frowned. His entire mouth was numb and his tongue felt as if it has grown too big.

“My mouf!” He growled, running back into the kitchen. Henry was already in there, seemingly having the same problem.

“Are you guys okay?” Emma raised an eyebrow as both Henry and Hook grumbled and tried to figure out what was going on.

“I tant...ugh...feeb a fing!” Henry complained.

“Really?” She feigned innocence, “what were you two doing?”

“Brussing our teef,” Hook tried to explain.

“Hmmmm...” Emma started laughing, “that's strange...”

“Mom!” Henry shouted.

“I guess maybe I should have been more careful with that orajel,” she mused.

Hook looked at her, confused because he wasn't really sure what orajel was. Henry groaned, knowing _exactly_ what orajel was. Emma pulled the small tube out of her pocket and tossed it at Hook, who started reading the label. Once she saw the look of realization on his face, she started laughing again. “I may have 'accidentally' spilled some.”

“On my toofbruss?!” Hook shouted in disbelief.

“Relax,” she said, “it'll wear off soon. But maybe next time you'lol think twice before you two try to Saran Wrap my car again!”


	8. Hook vs SpongeBob

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Just a little bit of fluff for my one shots. This was born at RegalCon this afternoon, when I said it was my head canon that Hook was a SpongeBob fan.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Went to RegalCon this weekend. Had a good time! Met some awesome people! Actually talked to a couple of fellow fans and brought up this silly head canon and said...oh...I should write that!

"I’m the Flying Dutchman!”

Emma shook her head as she listened to Killian do his best impression of Roland’s favorite cartoon character. (She could hear him all the way down the hall when she entered the apartment building.) Little giggles echoed through the house. Even Neal let out a few laughs, even though, at barely a year old, the joke was much too far over his head.

  
When she offered to watch the boys for the afternoon, she didn’t expect Killian to be all that willing to help her out. Then, a couple emergencies cropped up, forcing her to ask him to just look out for the kids for five minutes. (Five minutes turned into a good hour. Fairy tale folk and their problems…geez.)

She returned to discover three things: one, Captain Hook was exceptionally great with kids, two, Captain Hook seemed to love SpongeBob, and three, Captain Hook was really good at impressions.

“Do the laugh!” Roland insisted. Killian complied, though his SpongeBob laugh could probably use some work. “And the bad word one!”

“I think that’s enough,” Emma said as she pushed the door open, interrupting the game. “We don’t need to send Roland home with a new vocabulary.”

“They’re not bad words, Swan,” Killian sighed, “they’re dolphin noises. It’s quite a popular episode. Haven’t you seen it?”

It took her a moment to realize they weren’t in the living room, they were in the kitchen, Roland seated happily on the counter getting his face cleaned, and Neal, in his walker…still devouring a small bowl of ice cream. “Killian? Did you give them ice cream?”

“It was lunch time,” he explained, and she was about to kill him, until he continued, “and they both cleaned their plates, so I figured a treat was in order.”

“We had krabby patties!” Roland exclaimed.

“Well, we did,” Killian shrugged, deeming Roland clean enough for escape. “Neal had whatever that stuff was your parents left for him.”

“I think it’s chicken something,” Emma made a face, then looked over at her little brother, “you made that particular mess too,” she grinned, “so I guess you get to fix it before mom comes to retrieve him. Good luck with that sugar high, Mister Krabs.”

“Oi!” He growled, “didn’t you hear? I’m the bloody Flying Dutchman!”

“Arrrrrr!” Roland shouted.

“Well okay, the Flying Dutchman can take care of Plankton over there.” Emma stated as she disappeared into the other room. She’d just finished cleaning up a mess in town, the boys could handle the pint sized one in the kitchen.

“Oh barnacles,” Roland stated, taking one look at the messy baby.

Killian made a face when he carefully lifted the now completely sticky baby out of the walker. “Shall we?”

“Emma said you can do it,” Roland gave him a mischievous little grin before abandoning him for another round of cartoons.

“Tartar sauce,” Killian muttered.


	9. Family Potrait

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Emma gets talked into family portraits. Captain Cobra Swan

Emma wasn't the type to think about family portraits. In fact, when the idea was brought up, she cringed. “Come on, Emma...” her mother pleaded, “we need a good family portrait!”

She'd never been a part of one, but she'd seen plenty fiascos while passing the photo shops at malls, and she was pretty sure that was one thing television _didn't_ exaggerate.

It was almost a clean getaway. Every time Mary Margaret asked, Emma shrugged it off with a non-committal answer. Then, there was that one day. The one day they were all gathered together, was the day she had to bring it up again. “We should totally do that!” Henry exclaimed, enthusiastic as always. “All of us, right? Hook too?”

“Of course Hook too,” Mary Margaret grinned, “he's family, isn't he?”

The look on her pirate's face was priceless. The shy little smirk at the mention of his name, and the declaration of him being family. If Henry's enthusiasm wasn't enough to do her in, the idea of Killian being happy about being included was the proverbial nail in the coffin. Her mother shot her a smug grin, knowing that Emma was done for. How could she ever deny her boys?

That was how, two weeks later, she was grumbling about Henry's wardrobe choice, (at least they wouldn't be capturing those cruddy sneakers on film) trying not to giggle at Killian's fascination with the camera, (Bloody hell, Swan, it takes only seconds?) and attempting to keep her little brother from drooling on her. (Really?)

It was a complete fiasco. Mary Margaret had fussed over everyone's hair and wardrobe, David attempted to keep Neal happy, (her little brother was quite content to cry through over half the session, sending Mary Margaret into a panic.) and Emma just wanted the day to be over. The photographer was relentless as well, telling them to pose this way or that, reminding them to smile, (was she really gritting her teeth?) and scolding them whenever they blinked.

In the end, Emma told her mother that she'd better treasure the portraits, because it would be many, many moons before she put herself through that kind of torture again.

They came home with prints of the best shots, and a disc with all the pictures. (Some were absolutely terrible.)

Mary Margaret chose one with all of them to hang on the wall. It wasn't a bad shot, everyone was smiling, and no one was blinking, but Emma's favorite one was the one of her and her boys. She couldn't remember exactly what Killian said, but the camera had caught her mid-giggle, and her son and boyfriend had almost identical smirks. (Must have both been in on the joke that had caused her fit of laughter.)

Killian may have been still learning the ropes when it came to the land without magic, but when it came to charming the heck out of the camera, he seemed to be a natural. (She wondered if Henry gave him advice, or if it was the other way around. Either way, it was perfect, and it was the picture that ended up on her desk at the station.)


End file.
